My 10 year old son has a life-threatening food allergy. If he eats even in minuscule amount of peanut protein, his body could go into a state of anaphylaxis and, if not treated correctly, quickly, and promptly, it could kill him.
Anaphylaxis (an-a-fi-LAK-sis) is a serious, life-threatening allergic reaction. The most common anaphylactic reactions are to foods, insect stings, medications and latex.
If you are allergic to a substance, your immune system overreacts to this allergen by releasing chemicals that cause allergy symptoms. Typically, these bothersome symptoms occur in one location of the body. However, some people are susceptible to a much more serious anaphylactic reaction. This reaction typically affects more than one part of the body at the same time.
Anaphylaxis requires immediate medical treatment, including an injection of epinephrine and a trip to a hospital emergency room. If it isn’t treated properly, anaphylaxis can be fatal. (1)
And, while I continue to explain and educate to others the seriousness of his condition, I am constantly being challenged with questions regarding not only the validity his allergy but also the amount of due care that is required when he is around others.
Today, I am fed up. I'm tired. I'm exhausted because I have to explain everything over and over again, to the same people over and over again.
It's truly the definition of insanity. And I am not an insane person.
I am a Mom trying to keep my child alive to see another day and be afforded the same educational opportunities as any other child. I am no different than any other parent; we all have our own challenges and areas where we need to be particularly concerned. For some, it's bullying and teasing. For others, there is a physical disability. Others may be a behavior issue. These are all important and my comments here about food allergy are not meant to belittle any other condition or situation. My comments here are what I know and have experienced based only upon food allergy. Nothing more.
Parents of Classmates
For the past five years, your child has been in the same classroom as my son. I understand that everyone wants to be special on their birthday; that's something we all want and appreciate. I can comprehend that. However, what I cannot understand is the purposeful exclusion of a single child in the classroom for the sake of a cupcake, brownie or cookie. I have sent you notes, provided you with safe snack lists, offered my own cooking/baking skills every single year. I have given you more information and justification as to why it is so important to not only include my son in your child's classroom birthday celebration but have also explained to you why cross-contamination from your peanut-containing kitchen could inflict a massive allergic reaction on my child. It's not a matter of trust; it's a matter of inclusion. Why do you continue to exclude him?
My Friends / Parents of Classmates
Thank you for having been such an amazing group of supporting individuals. You've been my rock, my sounding board and my devil's advocate over the years and I cannot express to you enough how much I value and appreciate our friendship and the amount of care and consideration you have given my child. You have been teaching your child(ren) such a valuable lesson in life and helping your child become an empathetic, emotionally mature person.
I realize that when we are together outside of school, I may allow my son to eat food which you've prepared. I am thankful that you understand that I need to be consistent at school: that while you do make safe food, you realize that we cannot single out you / your child as to give the perception of favoritism. Thank you for helping your child understand this as well.
Classmates
For those of you who are always on the look-out for what's safe for my son, THANK YOU. You are an amazing group of young people and I am so thankful that you have his back.
When you do bring in a birthday treat, please remind your parents that you do not wish to exclude anyone in your class. Remind them that it needs to be safe for everyone. Have them call or text me like you often do.
If you do have something which cannot be eaten by him, please remember this: NEVER, EVER OFFER IT TO HIM. While I understand you think you are being kind, you should never offer something which you KNOW is not safe to someone with a food allergy. This is very dangerous. So, please, save it for after school and ask the teacher to hand it out when the day is over.
Teachers from the Past
THANK YOU for keeping him safe during the school year. Thank you for listening to me even when you knew your hands were tied due to policy and other outside pressures. Thank you for communicating with me in advance for all field trips, parties and projects where materials were of question.
I hope that you have learned more information about food allergy from your experience with my son in your classroom. And, I hope that any future food allergic students who come through your classroom will benefit from the knowledge and experience which you now have.
Teachers of Today
Learn from the previous teachers: that communication and planning is a key element to our successful relationship. I am not out to get you nor am I trying to make your life difficult. We are a team who should be focused on the safe education for my child. I do not ever wish to have you deal with an allergic reaction in your classroom. I do not need you to like me; I need you to listen to me when I come to you with problems/concerns and to look at the situation with an objective mind to help come up with solutions. Listen to my child with an open mind and heart; try to understand where he may be coming from.
Plan your lessons with food allergy in mind; try to eliminate food as a reward system. Contact me in advance of any lessons which will require the introduction of food and afford me the opportunity and time to do whatever research I may need to do to ensure everything can go off safely. Remember that the food allergic student should NEVER be excluded from a lesson or classroom event because of their allergy. (2)
Understand that parties, celebrations and field trips always pose a significant risk to the food allergic child. Planning in advance and communication is all that I ask for. If you can avoid serving food which he cannot eat, that is always the ideal situation. Yes, I will provide a safe stash of treats for him, but it should not be seen as an excuse or scapegoat to exclude my child. Ever. Talk with the other parents and take the opportunity to educate them and your class on how to be empathetic and mindful of others.
I realize that you may have dealt with food allergies in your classroom in the past. Great, then we can talk more about it and what you learned. You should understand that every allergy, every person's allergy is different: not only their triggers, but also the level of tolerance of what is acceptable and potential reactions. Just because one person can have something that's "made in a facility" does NOT mean it's acceptable for my child.
Always ask. Always double-check. Always learn.
Teachers of the Future
I will schedule time with you in the beginning of the school year to discuss my son's allergy; take the time to listen and learn about food allergy. Work with me and always know I am a simple phone call, email, or text away. I do work full-time but I will always be there when I am needed.
School Administrators
Educate yourselves on food allergy; understand what the legal requirements are for having a food allergic child attend your school. Create an emergency action plan for your school. Require all staff members receive the training and continual education in order to respond should an anaphylactic reaction occur at school. Clearly state policies and provide copies of procedures to parents. Be consistent. Keep emergency epinephrine on-hand and ensure the entire staff knows how to administer.
Promote a environment where food allergies are understood and accepted within the school. Do not segregate the food allergic children or exclude them from activities. Provide educational opportunities to the student body to create awareness and overall understanding.
To My Peanut-Allergic Son
I love you more than words can ever describe. I am so sorry that you have a peanut allergy. If I could trade places with you, I would in a heart beat. I am sorry that you have had to grow up faster and have more awareness of your mortality than most kids your age.
You are an amazing person. You face your food allergy challenges with dignity and grace. I love that you consider the feelings of your friends and classmates - often times, ahead of your own - and never want them to feel bad for bringing in something that you cannot eat safely. Please continue to make good choices. As you get older, you will be tempted to just "give it a taste". This is going to be tough as each year passes and you gain more independence. Always, always carry your epinephrine and make sure you read labels. Don't succumb to the pressure to be careless. Don't be afraid to speak up, to educate, and to advocate for yourself and others.
To My Non-Allergic Son
I love you just as much as I love your older brother. Thank you for understanding why we don't have peanut butter in the house. Thank you for being an amazing kid who is always on the lookout for his brother.
To My Husband
You are my ROCK. I love you and am so grateful that you are my partner on this parenting journey.
To My Readers
Educate yourself. Ask questions. Be mindful that food allergies are REAL and can be very dangerous.
Visit http://www.foodallergy.org for more information.
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References:
(1) The American Academy of
Allergy, Asthma & Immunology // http://www.aaaai.org/conditions-and-treatments/allergies/anaphylaxis.aspx
(2) Managing Food Allergies in the Classroom, Food Allergy Research and Education // http://www.foodallergy.org/resources-for-schools/classroom
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