Changing Behavior is Hard Work

Yeah, I know ... I haven't been around much. Honestly - I've been busy. Life - you know - it just gets in the way sometimes! And, I'm just not sure what I want to write about lately. I have a gazillion thoughts in my head lately but 1) getting them down on "paper" just hasn't been easy, and 2) I'm not convinced that the subject is very read-worthy.

But, there is something that I've been thinking about ... a lot actually ... that I figured it's time to just get typing and see what comes out!

So, I'm on this 100 day sugar detox: sort of a 21 Day Sugar Detox Meets Whole30 but for 100 days!! I started it on January 5th and it goes through April 15th. I've been very strict on my sugar detox for the past 16 days. Doing the 3rd (aka, "most restrictive") level which, to me, is more like squeaky clean Paleo eating. In the past, I've lost upwards of 10 pounds in the course of the month when I do this.

But, I'm not this time around. (Yes, I'm weighing myself frequently. Stop the lecture!)

And, while I feel great not having sugar in my diet, it's a little disheartening to not see some of the typical results that I've experienced before. I have to take a closer look at myself in the mirror.

Which leads me to this:

Temptation

(wow ... didn't mean to do the whole "lead me to temptation" thing but that was clever!)

Temptation is all around us - not just food but also the temptation to act in a way which we would normally not. We all know what it is but do we all recognize it? And, how do we handle ourselves when we're tempted?

I guess the first thing to think about here is that you're not tempted if you don't have a goal or end-game in mind, right? I mean, it's not a temptation to see a gooey chocolate brownie when you aren't watching your diet.

So, for all practical purposes, let's just say it all starts with having a goal in mind.

You set that goal, you commit to that goal (public or privately), you decide to ACHIEVE that goal. You realize you need to change your behavior to make this goal happen. For some, it's minor modifications. For others, it's a major overhaul.

Then, forces around you (sometimes unbeknownst to you) start coming your way, trying to take you off your game. You must resist. You must use every single ounce of your strength and being to resist this force.

What's the force, you ask? You tell me. A cookie. Another hit of the snooze button. A glass of wine. A dinner out. A lazy morning.

You realize it's not that easy to change what you do: you get back into your comfort zone. Changing behavior is TOUGH!! What do you do about it? Do you give up? Do you persist?

Just picture YOUR goal ... Now, think about everything that is around you that may try to detract you from that goal. That, my friend, is TEMPTATION.

In my professional life, I'm a project manager. I look at a project - one with a defined goal or outcome in mind - and determine the necessary steps needed to complete it. If the project is successful, we have achieved (or "realized") our goal.

Throughout the lifecycle of that project, I'm looking for roadblocks, risks, issues ... anything that will prevent my company / team from being successful. It's my job to manage those risks, consult with others (team members, decision makers, etc.) to mitigate or reduce the risk to the project and, ultimately to our organization.

Seriously? You're getting all project managery on us?? {like that word?}

This is just the way my mind processes things. Sorry!

When I started out on this transformation journey, I told myself: I want to be half my size. Trust me - that's one hell of a goal!!! I also had to think about how I was going to do this: I chose a Paleo lifestyle. I wanted to model my behavior similar to those I follow: eat clean, moderate exercise regularly, lift heavy things.

Now, I'm looking at where I've come from - almost two years later - and am wondering what has blocked me from achieving success or "realization of my goal" because I am NOT half my size two years later.

Numbers Don't Lie

I actually tracked my behavior in the form of results the past few years. I did some analysis on my stats.

• I started tracking my weight loss on March 4, 2013. I did it weekly until July 15, 2013. In this timeframe, I lost 38.6 pounds.


• From July 15, 2013 until  August 25, 2014, I did NOT track my weight. In this timeframe, I lost 21.2 pounds.


• Since I began tracking again in August, I've lost 15.6 pounds.

That is 75.4 pounds total lost with more than half of it in my first 4 months on this journey.

When I add up the positive numbers - meaning weeks were I gained weight - I've gained over 10 pounds. And, that doesn't count the 56 weeks I didn't track. That means: I've had to lose the same weight OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!

Now, putting back on my project manager hat, I'd say this project needs some serious rescuing. It's not on the right track. Something isn't right.

There is a roadblock in the way and this project is NOT going to be successful until it is dealt with.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out what that roadblock is. At least not in a concrete manner. (Meaning, I don't do X or I shouldn't be doing Y.)

All I can come up with - for now - is TEMPTATION.

• What am I tempted by?


• Why do I feel that it's tempting?


• How do I handle temptation?


• How do I communicate with others when I feel tempted?

I realize that I'm just talk ... talk talk talk ... about how I own my choices ... about how I can make all these great meal plans and stick to them ... but what I cannot seem to do is make ME a priority.

Confession: I haven't been working out. At all. I went for a 3-mile walk this past Saturday and it took me an hour (20 minute mile, anyone?). I haven't lifted anything heavy in well over a month (thanks to neck issues that persisted way too long but now seem to be back on track thanks to my new chiropractor!)

I've been tempted to forego my goals - my health - by everything around me. I have not committed to changing the behaviors of my past which got me to be so dangerously overweight.

• The kitchen needs to get cleaned up after dinner?
  OK, I'll skip heading to the pool.


• Need to get some things from Walmart at lunch?
  OK, I'll not head home to work out.


• The kids are playing in their new karate room?
  OK, I won't go do my kickboxing routine today.


• The bed is so cozy and warm.
  OK, I won't get up a half-hour early to at least get some time in on the treadmill.


• I'm at work.
  OK, I won't go for a few laps around the office on the "designated walking paths" (inside even!!).


• A good TV show is on (lately, we're hooked on "Sons of Anarchy" on HuluPlus).
  OK, I'll sit around for 3 hours watching TV instead of working out.

I've become LAZY. I've become COMPLACENT. I've reverted back to everything that I was before and trying to change. I gone back to being the person I was trying to TRANSFORM. I've ignored the fact that my transformation will not happen by food alone (although it's been putting me in the right direction).

I need to change my behavior!

I could pass the buck and blame someone else for tempting me with these things. (Really! I'd love to blame the dishwasher for all my troubles!! That would be so nice!) But, no one knows what can take me on a detour other than me.

I need to buck up. I've got to get moving. I've got to stop talking about transforming and actually SHOW SOME RESULTS!! I need to practice what I preach and start making some serious changes.

Now, before you start to think how I may be too hard on myself... Here's some food for thought: If you're not hard on yourself and can't have those tough conversations, how do you expect to learn or make any progress? You MUST be honest with yourself. I am not trying to minimize the progress that has been made to date. I am proud of how far I have come. But, I should be much further along that where I am today. I should be half my size by now!! IT HAS BEEN TWO FREAKIN' YEARS!! Enough with the excuses!

I'd love to have a coach with me day in and day out watching over everything I do. But, in the end, I'm accountable to me. I'm the one who has to pull out all the stops. I'm the one who has to figure out how to make this manageable. I'm the one who has to maintain a healthy balance.

(Oh, and the coach idea ... not a cheap one!)

The next few weeks are going to be challenging ones. Again, I got the food thing down pat. No problem there. I know how long it took me to make it a habit - somewhere between 21 and 66 days (hmmm - now you get the 100 days thing?). And, yes, there are going to be temptations to eat or drink something I shouldn't. But, my continued commitment to this will need to be enough to help me through.

Moving Forward: Changing My Behavior

It all boils down to priorities. I let myself get lazy because I don't make my MOVEMENT a priority. I should. I know it. But, I don't. It's not for lack of knowing how (I can walk, you know!).

I need to manage three key things here:

• Motivation - Figure out what's going to keep me going and find ways to reward myself.


• Temptation - How can I remove the potential road blocks that will tempt me into reverting back to my old (er, current) habits?


• Prioritization - I need to learn that dirty dishes and toilet paper can wait. (OK not always but you get the drift.) Time to rely on my awesome time management skills and work out a schedule that allows me to get daily exercise AND still keep my house from looking like a war zone.

 

This is my plan... And, I guess now that it's public, I need to be sure to keep myself on track. I know tweaks may be needed along the way; I am human after all. (In case you didn't know that!) But, it's time to get this party started!

Thanks for listening...

In good health!
~Anne